Inside My Head

Every day, we go through conscious and subconscious mental, emotional and spiritual battles. For any battle that we do win, we are fortunate in doing so, but there are three main reasons why we lose any of these personal battles. We are either unprepared to deal with whatever stress has manifested, too weak to overcome it, or we don’t recognize or ignore our inner turmoil. I am not Dr. Freud or even Dr. Phil, but I am a fighter and every day, I am starting to win more of the battles that I used to lose because of the wisdom and understanding that I am getting. It is this wisdom and understanding that I want to share so that you will stop being the underdog in your personal wars.

There are four main opponents I will be discussing and the first villain is called denial. We’ve all heard that “denial ain’t just a river in Egypt”, but that’s one cute quote so that we can get ignore just how serious a problem denial really is. Charles Tremper said it best when he said that “Denial is a common tactic that substitutes deliberate ignorance for thoughtful planning.” because denial is our stubborn refusal to acknowledge and accept that there is a problem we are facing. It’s when we deny that there’s a problem that the problem is able to creep into all parts of our conscious and subconscious life. In our thoughts we not only agonize over the problem, but also over the possible existence of the problem, and consciously we undergo changes like loss in sleep, appetite loss, or it becomes easier to provoke us to anger or wrath. Denial is a beast, but it can be conquered and the first step is confession. It’s not always possible to first admit there’s a problem if we can’t see it, but by speaking out about the effects of our problems, we can slowly start getting to the problem itself.

“You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit.” - David Ryan. Many are willing to accept that there are many forms of addiction including emotional, mental, and sexual ones, but less are willing to admit their own personal addictions. The biggest reason for this is that any addiction starts out as a harmless side activity we do just to “get away” from our normal everyday stresses. We had a hard day at work so a quick pit stop at the bar for a nice cold one or a stop at the gas station for a lottery ticket is just what the doctor ordered. Sooner than later, our “harmless” activity becomes a habit especially when we fit it into our schedules. Even at this point, we are still ignorant of any harm that could happen because of our new habit and for anyone that would tell us otherwise is simply wrong. So we continue on with our habit that is quickly becoming the answer to all that is wrong with our lives. Our habit isn’t helping us solve our problems, but it sure does help us forget about it just so long as we are glued to our habit. It’s at this point that our “activity” that turned into a habit has finally blossomed to a full blown addiction and it’s these addictions that not only do harm to others, but cause the most damage to ourselves.

Anxiety is defined by Webster’s as “Distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune.” Anxiety or panic attacks are now so commonplace that drugs like Xanax are a household name. These medicines were created by us to address the chemical imbalances that develop from anxiety, but even at their best, these drugs can only alter the chemical balance, but they do nothing to address the issue that caused the imbalance in the first place. The most upsetting part is that we can easily become addicted the drugs we take to cure our anxiety. We launch ourselves into a vicious cycle of anxiety simply because in the beginning we were distressed about a fear that we didn’t know how to handle. It is our own unease and doubt that cause us not just to ponder the possible outcomes, but also to simply panic at the negative possibilities without trying to find the way for us to successfully overcome our issue.

The last and one of the most serious demons I have to mention is depression. At some point in our life there’s a reason to feel a little sad or “blue” about a flat tire, a test grade, or even a paycheck that’s already been spent before we’ve gotten it, but real depression is a mood altering sickness. We go from not just losing sleep over agonizing over our misfortunes, but we become “hermitized” by our problems. That is, we reject and abandon that which could be positive and seek comfort and escape by being alone. There are points in depression that we actually want to seek out help, but we either go to harmful sources for answers or we enter into a state of confusion on how to find a source that we just give up trying.

I have written about four of the most dangerous rivals in your life - denial, addiction, anxiety, and depression, and there is one surefire way to start your healing process…confession. Confession to God or whatever higher power you choose to accept is the easiest and most private way to admit what’s wrong with us. Confession of the wrong you’ve done to the person you’ve wronged heals us because not only do we admit our trespasses and our desire to overcome them, but we also free ourselves from the burden of having to hide our sins. Boxing your demons and succeeding doesn’t start with strength, but it starts with our acceptance of our weaknesses. When we can admit that, we can start figuring out how to get stronger in spite of it. I seek paths to find more strength every day and I leave you with one of the most powerful pieces of literature I’ve ever read on self-motivation to persevere. It’s called “Do not go gentle into that good night” by Dylan Thomas.

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds may have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

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